R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

People sing about it, write about it, and Lord knows there are a lot of people out there who try to DEMAND it. But respect is one of those things that is not concrete. And certainly not demandable. In fact, I find that those who are demanding it, are usually the least deserving of it. I think we have all heard the saying "respect must be earned" and in a lot of ways I believe that to be true. I have been struggling with this lately. The theory of respect and what people do and do not do to gain or deserve it. My feelings and my guts tell me that respect is something that your earn from others. Not something you walk up and demand. In my book that pretty much says you have nothing to offer. That is the situation I am dealing with now. A woman, who thinks she is all that and a bag of chips and you WILL give her the respect she deserves. Problem is she doesn't deserve squat. Nada. Nothing. Granted she has a title, but like I care, and to be honest, it ain't a great title. You have done nothing to prove to me that you are capable of doing your job, or that you are even a decent human being (in fact, you have done nothing but prove the exact opposite). So the question stands...........must you respect someone based solely on title alone? Clearly THEY think they are hot sh^t. But, so what. I guess that I am from the actions speak louder than words camp. Perhaps the problem is that I am living during a time when hard work doesn't mean much. Seems that the a$$holes are the ones that not only getting ahead, but are also stomping on those who actually get the job done. While said holes take all the credit. I find it beyond unnerving. In a lot of ways it makes me feel betrayed. The odd part there, is I am not sure by whom. Clearly by the individual, but also in a lot of ways by society. After all, as a group we must in some way be allowing this to occur, by the default, that we are not putting a stop to it. So then, how do we stop it? And begin to have a true respect, that is truly deserved.

My internal monologue failed.

Ranting and raving have served me well for the past (cough) thirty (cough) something years. I am a very verbal person. I cannot think of very many instances when I have not been able to talk my way through what ever it was I was doing/seeing/facing. I like to talk. I like to jabber. Most days I consider myself to have verbal diarrhea. I talk, it is a fundamental part of who I am.

On occasion I find myself day-dreaming a conversation. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. I try to come up with viable, smart answers to potential questions or statements. Some days this internal monologue is smooth as silk and other times it is a disaster from the get go. Very few days do I ever throw my hands in the air and give up. I find I am able to talk my way through anything with this internal rambling. But my ramblings are failing me these past 4 or 5 days and I am very disturbed by that. What happens when the voice(s) in your head, the ones you rely on (as opposed to the ones you ignore and/or do not acknowledge) to get you through the tough parts of life seem to be failing. I am a little flabbergasted. As opposed to just flubbered, which is when I end up talking in my own language, usually because my mouth and my brain get their wires a little crossed...........................wait, am I starting to sound like a raving loon??? Oh, you are right, I passed that one by a LONG time ago. Sorry to interrupt myself. Anyway, what does one do when their words begin to fail them? Seems like a rhetorical question.........today it isn't. I am really lost for answers. Is the internal me on vacation? Lord knows the external me could use one. A really long vacation on a sandy beach, where it is warm a but not too hot, the humidity is not doing anything bizarre-o to my naturally curly hair. I have my hubby in the chair next to me holding my hand and we are watching the kids build a sand castle. Does that seem like so much to ask? Of course it is. Since when did I get to move to the fairy land that holds that dream. I live in the land of the responsible adult. Where I am inclined to pay my bills, take my children to school and be an honest and good person. Even the good person part is failing me. I have been thinking about bad things happening to bad people. And while that may not seem too much, after all it is only a dream, it is not the person I wish to be. I want to be a good person, I want to overcome the nastiness the world has out there, and it bothers me that I feel like I am failing. Maybe there is just too much on my plate. Maybe I am not the person I thought I was. Maybe I just wish for a change that my husband and I could be the ones to catch a break. And yet, we are not. My inner self, clearly doesn't know how to deal this time. We have already conquered so much. We (the husband and I...not my multiple personalities) do our very best to be good people, to raise good little people. To show them that the world is what they make of it............so what am I doing wrong? Besides throwing myself this GIANT pity party! I am not sure. I guess it is time for some major soul searching. Wish me luck.

I wasn't going to be THAT mom.....

Now that is a loaded title, that could be ended in about a million different ways, but today it pertains to food. More specifically, that I would never be the mom who hid the kids veggies in their meal. A couple of years ago, The Sneaky Chef book came out. It is a recipe book about sneaking veggies into your kids meals, while they chow down none the wiser. At the time my now kindergartener was 2 or 3 and would eat veggies and fruits happily. I was a little high on my horse. Needless to say, nowadays I am eating my words, and trying to figure out how to make him eat his veggies. Never imagined that a day would come when I was literally begging, threatening, and/or screaming about eating something green. Safe to say that was way back before he uttered the famous words "I am not eating that, it is green. I do not eat green things." Grrrrr. Now as we are all well aware there is plenty of advise out there for dealing with this kind of stubborn. I generally subscribe to picking my battles, and you MUST have some of everything on your plate, and you must taste everything once. I laugh my a&& off at the nutrishionistas that say "put it on their plate 10 times and they will eat it" ha, you have never met my kid. He has a gag reflex that is beyond high. I have been the victim of his vomit pyrotechnics on more than one occasion and it hardly matters where he is, at home or out at a restaurant. I hate to be hurled on!!!! So, where does that leave me? I have a 2 year old who loves salad, and a 5 year old that makes faces at it. Right now on the stove, there is a nice big pan of zucchini tacos. The kids think they are having regular tacos, I smuggled in the veggies. Damn it, I think I lost this battle.