Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Well that is a loaded title don't ya think? My cutie sister-in-law and I were chatting this morning when she dropped off her boys, she told me one of her friends is going through some learning process thingy in which you learn to hold responsible the people in your life who have done you wrong. Wholly crap really? That sounds like a scam to me. Take your life and assign blame to those who you feel have made it bad? Seriously? Sounds like crap to me, and I think that I have a bit of a chance to spout on this. I am a child of divorce. Have been for most of my life. My Mom got divorced when I was 4 or 5. I vaguely remember my father, before he ran off to start his new life off in la-la land. He had been having an affair (at least one) and from what I understand from family he married her. Not really the point. More to the point is the fact that the last time I saw him I was 12, I think. And that was for 20 minutes in the driveway of our house. Over the years I have realized, that the divorce, like many other things in my life, was neither my fault nor anything I could control. I cannot control the fact that my father was and is a complete and utter failure as a human being. I feel that is safe to say considering he rarely, if ever paid his child support and that in the past 20 years he has never contacted me. Not that I am inviting him to, he chose to not be a part of my life and I do not wish to add him to the mix, ever. There is such a thing as too little too late, and we have sailed passed that line a long time ago. But, and the big but here, is that I do not hold him responsible for my life. If anything I am glad my mom stood up for herself and her children and said that his behavior was not acceptable, nor would it ever be. I figure that I live my life in spite of his actions. I am a strong, happily married woman. I have 2 children I would not ever willingly leave. I have a husband who is amazing. And I do not think that has anything to do with my sperm donor of a father. If there is one thing I have learned it is perseverance and being accountable for ones own actions. I probably sound bitter. Probably am, at least a bit. And alot of that has to so with the fact that I am now a mom myself. I have 2 beautiful children, and cannot imagine for the life of me, what could matter more than them. Every choice I make reflects on them in some way. And I want my munchkins to be proud of me, like I am of my mom. I want them to realize that I made tough choices, undoubtedly some wrong choices, but all the same that I did it because I really thought it was the right thing to do. And I want to show them that I run my life. No one can be responsible for how I feel but me. That is not to say that I am made of steel and that I have no feelings. I am, in fact, quick to cry and easily hurt and maybe a little on the slow to trust side of things. But I want them to know that they have choices in life too. They do not have to value themselves based on someone else's ridiculous notion of what should or should not be. My own father did not think I was worth getting to know. That is fine with me, I bet I can find you 10 people who think otherwise. And that is what really matters. So as for this notion that you have to confront the people who have wronged you to make things right.....uhm get real. Why are you giving your power to that person so they can wrong you again? Why don't you just own your actions, own your feelings and realize that everyday is a new day and that you are the one who decides what that day will be. Maybe apply a little "golden rule" to your ever day. I firmly believe that my life is mine to live. I try to own my actions. I try to make sure that I hold my head high no matter what the situation. I am my own person and I take responsibility for myself. Can you say the same thing?