Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Reality Check

I love when something comes a long and puts things in perspective for me. I think the good Lord knows when I need a reality check. And despite all that is whirling around me, was on the Olympics last night.

Things around here lately have left me, let's say flustered. I am unable to focus. I have yet to accomplish anything I have started in the past week or so. Mostly because I have had a problem with the wandering mind. I have taken my Aunt's surgery much harder this time, than I did 18 months ago. I am edgy and easily irritated! So to catch the story of Joannie Rochette on last nights late news and Olympics replay, I had to fell a little guilty and a lot in awe of this amazing individual. I am sure she has been aiming for the Olympics forever. You don't just end up at the Olympics. Especially in Figure Skating. I think it may be one of the most cut-throat events there. So I realize that she must have been training for years. And then, just as you reach your moment, your time, you loose your mom. My heart breaks for her. And I am in awe that she can keep it all together and keep going. I imagine you would find me in a puddle on the floor. I needed her story to put all my crap in perspective. I needed her to show me(through the television) that you do what you have to do. Keep going and do what you came to do. After all, everyone in my life is okay. My Aunt pulled through her surgery with flying colors. My brother-in-law, despite a run of what I am calling BAD luck will be fine. I have no reason to stop functioning. Despite a wild desire to do so. I have been dealt bigger blows than this, and have pulled through, so why I ask myself is everything so much harder for me now. I think there are a few reason, some of which I am not willing to discuss in a public forum, and other that I am like, this one. I think one of the reasons things are more difficult for me to process now, is because I have kids. I am not blaming them , quite the contrary. I have to really look at things completely differently and break it down into the most basic of terms and emotions to be able to make sure that my overly analytical 5 year old and sweet 2 year old can understand them. I find myself, as I am sure most parents do, trying to take the load off them, and carry as much of it as I can, so that they have a chance to be kids and just enjoy their little lives. This is especially true of N. He is a big softie. He takes things very personal. I have had to sit down with him and explain that I may not like a behavior, but I always love him. And that talk happened when he was like 4ish. He cannot imagine that someone would try to hurt another person, it is entirely foreign to him. I want him to grow up to be strong, but also not to loose his gentleness. His inate abilily to understand others feelings and empathize with them. I think that may be one of his greatest gifts. But it can put his parents in a rough spot. He really wants to know why people do bad/weird things.......and I cannot offer an explanation for that! I wish I could.
So thank you to a brave and stoic Canadian woman who helped me to realize that I am so fortunate, and that no matter what I think I cannot handle, there is always something worse, and that put everything in perspective for me.

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