Monday, February 22, 2010

Emotionally Cooked

I am done. I am tired. I have a head cold. And I cannot endure one more minute at a hospital. While were in California a few weeks back my mom's oldest sister got sick. She had heart valve replacement surgery back in July of 2008. She recovered amazingly well. Better than we ever anticipated that she would. It was awesome. But she had a mini-stroke, out of the blue, and since she is on medication that really should basically prevent that from happening, it was a major concern for me. We got her into her doctor and they discovered that she needed the valve replaced. Again! And it was crappy! She had that surgery today, and I have been to see her and make sure she is okay. But I am really tired. Emotionally I am fried. I have taken this surgery a lot harder than I took the last one. I think my cousin put it best when she said that last time (in 2008) she was sooooooo very sick that we were all just feeling amazed that we got her back. This time she was not sick per-say. She looked great and was feeling pretty darn good. She was not having any symptoms that she was getting ill. I think that is a major reason why it was so hard for me. Combine that with the fact that my brother-in-law had surgery last week and that I have the tail end of a head cold from hell, I am just done. I think I could crawl into bed right now, and not wake up for a day or 2. Uhm, except for the fact that I have 2 kids who would NEVER allow that to happen.
So I guess what they say is true, even the toughest cookies crack at some point. I am ready to slow things down. The past year has been one big huge emotional hurdle after another, and I just don't know how much more I can take, before I am a bumbling, boobing, soppy, soggy heap on the floor. Thank heavens for a fantastic family who keep me going (even when I have no desire to do so), a husband who 14 years later is finally figuring me out............I think he has a road map and copious notes, and has actually been able to anticipate what I need before I can find the words to say it. He is amazing. I am so lucky to have him. And now, maybe a good long nap. HA!

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