R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

People sing about it, write about it, and Lord knows there are a lot of people out there who try to DEMAND it. But respect is one of those things that is not concrete. And certainly not demandable. In fact, I find that those who are demanding it, are usually the least deserving of it. I think we have all heard the saying "respect must be earned" and in a lot of ways I believe that to be true. I have been struggling with this lately. The theory of respect and what people do and do not do to gain or deserve it. My feelings and my guts tell me that respect is something that your earn from others. Not something you walk up and demand. In my book that pretty much says you have nothing to offer. That is the situation I am dealing with now. A woman, who thinks she is all that and a bag of chips and you WILL give her the respect she deserves. Problem is she doesn't deserve squat. Nada. Nothing. Granted she has a title, but like I care, and to be honest, it ain't a great title. You have done nothing to prove to me that you are capable of doing your job, or that you are even a decent human being (in fact, you have done nothing but prove the exact opposite). So the question stands...........must you respect someone based solely on title alone? Clearly THEY think they are hot sh^t. But, so what. I guess that I am from the actions speak louder than words camp. Perhaps the problem is that I am living during a time when hard work doesn't mean much. Seems that the a$$holes are the ones that not only getting ahead, but are also stomping on those who actually get the job done. While said holes take all the credit. I find it beyond unnerving. In a lot of ways it makes me feel betrayed. The odd part there, is I am not sure by whom. Clearly by the individual, but also in a lot of ways by society. After all, as a group we must in some way be allowing this to occur, by the default, that we are not putting a stop to it. So then, how do we stop it? And begin to have a true respect, that is truly deserved.

My internal monologue failed.

Ranting and raving have served me well for the past (cough) thirty (cough) something years. I am a very verbal person. I cannot think of very many instances when I have not been able to talk my way through what ever it was I was doing/seeing/facing. I like to talk. I like to jabber. Most days I consider myself to have verbal diarrhea. I talk, it is a fundamental part of who I am.

On occasion I find myself day-dreaming a conversation. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. I try to come up with viable, smart answers to potential questions or statements. Some days this internal monologue is smooth as silk and other times it is a disaster from the get go. Very few days do I ever throw my hands in the air and give up. I find I am able to talk my way through anything with this internal rambling. But my ramblings are failing me these past 4 or 5 days and I am very disturbed by that. What happens when the voice(s) in your head, the ones you rely on (as opposed to the ones you ignore and/or do not acknowledge) to get you through the tough parts of life seem to be failing. I am a little flabbergasted. As opposed to just flubbered, which is when I end up talking in my own language, usually because my mouth and my brain get their wires a little crossed...........................wait, am I starting to sound like a raving loon??? Oh, you are right, I passed that one by a LONG time ago. Sorry to interrupt myself. Anyway, what does one do when their words begin to fail them? Seems like a rhetorical question.........today it isn't. I am really lost for answers. Is the internal me on vacation? Lord knows the external me could use one. A really long vacation on a sandy beach, where it is warm a but not too hot, the humidity is not doing anything bizarre-o to my naturally curly hair. I have my hubby in the chair next to me holding my hand and we are watching the kids build a sand castle. Does that seem like so much to ask? Of course it is. Since when did I get to move to the fairy land that holds that dream. I live in the land of the responsible adult. Where I am inclined to pay my bills, take my children to school and be an honest and good person. Even the good person part is failing me. I have been thinking about bad things happening to bad people. And while that may not seem too much, after all it is only a dream, it is not the person I wish to be. I want to be a good person, I want to overcome the nastiness the world has out there, and it bothers me that I feel like I am failing. Maybe there is just too much on my plate. Maybe I am not the person I thought I was. Maybe I just wish for a change that my husband and I could be the ones to catch a break. And yet, we are not. My inner self, clearly doesn't know how to deal this time. We have already conquered so much. We (the husband and I...not my multiple personalities) do our very best to be good people, to raise good little people. To show them that the world is what they make of it............so what am I doing wrong? Besides throwing myself this GIANT pity party! I am not sure. I guess it is time for some major soul searching. Wish me luck.

I wasn't going to be THAT mom.....

Now that is a loaded title, that could be ended in about a million different ways, but today it pertains to food. More specifically, that I would never be the mom who hid the kids veggies in their meal. A couple of years ago, The Sneaky Chef book came out. It is a recipe book about sneaking veggies into your kids meals, while they chow down none the wiser. At the time my now kindergartener was 2 or 3 and would eat veggies and fruits happily. I was a little high on my horse. Needless to say, nowadays I am eating my words, and trying to figure out how to make him eat his veggies. Never imagined that a day would come when I was literally begging, threatening, and/or screaming about eating something green. Safe to say that was way back before he uttered the famous words "I am not eating that, it is green. I do not eat green things." Grrrrr. Now as we are all well aware there is plenty of advise out there for dealing with this kind of stubborn. I generally subscribe to picking my battles, and you MUST have some of everything on your plate, and you must taste everything once. I laugh my a&& off at the nutrishionistas that say "put it on their plate 10 times and they will eat it" ha, you have never met my kid. He has a gag reflex that is beyond high. I have been the victim of his vomit pyrotechnics on more than one occasion and it hardly matters where he is, at home or out at a restaurant. I hate to be hurled on!!!! So, where does that leave me? I have a 2 year old who loves salad, and a 5 year old that makes faces at it. Right now on the stove, there is a nice big pan of zucchini tacos. The kids think they are having regular tacos, I smuggled in the veggies. Damn it, I think I lost this battle.

A great Debate (and my 2 cents on the subject)

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to escape for an hour and go get a little pedi action! Aaaahh! Such simple joy. Lovely. So as I sit, my feet in warm swirling, bubbling water, I picked up a wrinkled copy of Cosmo or Redbook or whatever the h*ll it was and flipped thru. I was picking my way through reading the articles I found interesting when I happened across one on breastfeeding. And to my utter shock and delight it was not pro breast. Having been one of those moms who had trouble nursing, I am always bugged when the breast is best people go nuts and guilt people who do not nurse. Now I am not arguing the benefits to nursing. In fact I say if you CAN nurse, there is no better way to go. What I am bugged by are the nazi breastfeeding folks. The ones who look at you like you are neglecting your child when you do not or cannot nurse. I have said on more than one occasion that nursing may be natural, but it does not come naturally. For a lot of women it is one of the most difficult things about pregnancy and birth. I know that it was really hard for me both times. I just didn't seem to produce enough milk, and after 6 months I was pretty much dried out and my kid was hungry. I learned with my oldest that it was awesome to have a kid who would both nurse and take a bottle. I was lucky to learn that early on, of course the reason that I learned that was not so awesome, but still a good lesson. Before the boy could leave the NICU he had to take at least 24 hours straight of feedings by mouth, and since I could not be at the hospital for 24 hours straight, I just let them do the bottle. Tada, a baby who will nurse and take a bottle. So I was ready with the girl child and started her on bottles shortly after birth too. I had seen the women who were tied to their children 24/7 and more power to ya, but no thanks!!! I loved being able to go to dinner and a movie and not have to take baby too. And really while breastfeeding is cheaper, all the health benefits they swear by are NOT completely true. My daughter was straight breast milk for her first 6-7 months. She had her first ear infection at just about 4 months and continued on with them until she got tubes at 17 months. So much for the no ear infections theory. At our house that also stands true for the supposed lack of GI issues, allergies and that babies are sick less. I firmly believe that the bottom line is this........whatever works best for you and your child is what you should do. There is no harm is formula feeding a child. Nor is there anything wrong with breastfeeding. It is a very personal and individual decision. And the simple fact that it has become so extreme is very disturbing to me. In no way should anyone guilt a new mother. There is enough going on, and there is no way that you can be privy to all that mother's issues. I am proud to say that I tried and according to all the crazies out there, failed at breastfeeding! And if that means I have some insight into the difficulties into this issue, and I can make some other woman life easier, go me! By the way, the lady in the article gave up breastfeeding after her 3rd run of rock hard mastitis in 8 weeks. She switched to formula and she regained her health and sanity. Good for her!

Whirlwind!!

We had the stomach flu 'round here last week. Combine that with all the rest that June has brought us, and I am pooped. Last week, quite literally. (Oh, come on, you knew I could not resist a good poop joke.) We had 3 weddings this month. Including the brother-in-law. That was the biggie, with no less than three of our family of four in the bridal party. Going, going, gone! But we are glad the newlyweds, are just that. Honeymooned and settled. Good luck and good riddance........to all the wedding details that were somehow more involved than my own. And on that side of the track, sweet Hubby and I celebrate our TEN year anniversary in May. Wowzer, ten years of us. Married. I knew we were good, but wow. Ten. Ya for us. One day I might admit to how long we have been together, not just married. Still Ya for us! I keep thinking I will wake up one morning and things will slow down, and I will be able to get a grip on all the is going on around me, and I will just sit back and watch it all happen for just one day. And then I get up, get my cup of coffee, and make it to the couch just in time for my sister-in-law to drop off her two and drop the bomb that they are walking! On their own. So much for taking it all in, I am now wrangling one year old twins! Who not only walk, but can climb stairs. And while I do not want to miss one second of them, or of my own two. I still want to sit back and take it all in. So I booked a flight to Vegas with my 2 best friends. Best friend #3 is having a baby soon, and cannot make this trip. Next year, Longy, next year, I swear. So soon, but not soon enough, I will take Shorty, and Skinny and Myself and jump on a plane and jet away for a few days of mommy rejuvenation. I am literally counting the days. And on one of those days, I am going to sit my ass by the pool with a good book and a notepad. So I can jot down the random thoughts of my sweet kiddies that pop into my head. And get lost in the book, because I can! But first, Hubby will be off to see if he can catch us some fish we will not eat. But he works hard for us. Really hard, and he deserves a break too. So off to the great white North to commune with nature. And his dad and brother and Conquedoor.

Adults Only

Get your mind out of the gutter! This is not going to be about what you think! I was flipping through MSN.com today and read about this Justin Beiber kid getting kicked out of the adults only section of a movie theater, after he sneaked down to the section, and then once he was removed, he was heard to be pouting about not being allowed there. First of all kid, you are 16. You are NOT an adult. Therefore you are NOT going to be allowed into an adults only section. Period. Congratulations, on being famous. Now figure this out. No one in the real world gives a flying fart in space. And none of us think this should afford you any special rights or privileges. Believe it or not, there are adults who want to spend time going place stupid, whiny teenie boppers are not allowed. Yep, that right. I am telling you straight up, that sometimes we just don't want to deal with you. And as evidenced by your whining, you clearly are not an adult. Not soley based on the whining, but by the whole event. Also, you little turd, in case you were wondering, there are these things called laws, and though I am not sure of the legalese in the area to which the theater is located, it is truly possible that the theater could be in trouble for your twit headed actions. And I am sure that the manager likes being employed and hardly is willing to loose their livelihood for some zit faced kid. Famous or not.

One night a week my husband and I try to get away for date night. It is usually a slower night, one in which we can LEAVE the kids with one of their sets of grandparents, and we can go , eat our own food, and have a reasonable conversation. These nights are important to us and usually we do not go to the likes of what I would consider family restaurants. We save those for the days when we have the kids with us. So I do get a little snarky when they try to seat us next to a table of children, and on more than one occasion I have not accepted a table based on that fact alone. For some grown ups, especially parents, getting out is an occasion. Whether it once a week or once a month, it is time for us to be grown ups and not have to deal with kids. Be them 2 or 17. I think this is why I am so irritated with the child and his behavior. You can argue with me all you want, but he is a kid. Famous or not a KID. Not an adult. And good grief, if I was the parent of a child who wanted your next single my response would be HELL NO! I refuse to add to your arrogance. So until you are 21 dear Justin, keep your hiney where it belongs, and that is NOT in the adults only area!

Return to Sender

I was blog stalking today....(get off my back, at least I admit it)....I came across a conversation on the woman in Tennessee who sent her adopted child back to Russia on a one way ticket with a note pinned to his jacket. I had heard about this a few weeks back and have had sometime to ponder this one.

One of my very best friends has a daughter just about to turn 6. She is a gem of a child. I frequently refer to her as my "other" daughter. This sweet little muchkin was born from another set of people, but she without a doubt is Shorty's daughter. And perhaps that is becasue she has never been looked at any other way. Shorty and her husband have always regarded Magoo as theirs. Yes, it took other people to concieve and carry her, but she is THEIRS, and no one elses. I am sure even on the most difficult of days they would not dream of sending her back. I find it amazing that this woman would send this poor boy back. Did she really expect sunshine and butterflies and angels singing in the background? He has spent his whole life in an orphanage. He was counting on his mother to help him, teach him, love him. She did none of those things. I have two children. Despite days when I have threatened to send them back from where they came (on their father not on me!!!) I would never leave them, or let them go. How can you make a commitment to that child, whether by birth or adoption and decide it is too hard? I get angry when I hear that. That it is just too hard. Giving up is not an option. This is a child we are talking about. You do everything you can to care for them, you do not throw your hands in the air and run away. If you cannot give them the help they need, you find the person who can!

Along those lines, I have another friend whose daughter has need extra attention since she was about 6 months old, she will be 2 in July. They have spent many hours in therapy and at doctors appointments and in the hospital. In fact she had major surgery yesterday. Her mother never leaves her side. She takes care of her in the middle of the night, and has had to learn to do things medically that I am sure she would never have dreamed she would be doing, especially for her own child. And despite the huge amounts of stress and the never ending care her daughter requires, when I get an email update, all that she can say is how greatful she is to be Petunia's mom. That is what being a parent is all about. It is not about the good times, it is about all those other times. The big, nasty, ugly, times. When we shake our heads and ring our hands, with worry and/or dispare. Those are truly the times when we are parents. There is no trial run with children. You cannot return them to sender. You cannot ship them back. They are a gift you are given.

If you cannot fully commit to such a process DO NOT EVEN START. Whether by birth or adoption. I love every day with my kids. I love them when they make me crazy. I love them when they are sweet. And I love them when they make me scream. I know all about not judging a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes, but in this situation it is so hard not to do just that. I think this woman was having a love affair with the notion of being a mom, and trust me, this is one hell of a job. For every amazing day there is at least one, ususally two when I would like to shove and ice pick in my eye. It is the most thankless and amazing job I have ever had. For those who have grand illusions of hugs and kisses and Disneyland, you probably ought to be aware of the day(s) when all you hear is "I want Daddy!" "Leave me alone!" "You are so mean!" and a slew of other things that have at one time or another come flying out of a child's mouth. Being a parent means the good and the bad. And if necessary the professional help to get everyone where they need to be. Sending a child back is not an option in my world.