Adam and Eve

I just wanted to let you know I have figured out what happened in the Garden with that Tree. Eve was having a wicked case of PMS and craving something sweet, as we all understand, and her craving got the best of her, and she totally lost it and ate the damn fruit. Now I am not telling you because I think what she did was right. More because I think we have all very nearly been there and done that. So for now my friends, my bag of salt and vinegar potato chips is empty and I need another pepsi. I'm outta here!

How Safe Is Your Garage?

So a while back on my family blog I jumped up on my soapbox about how just because your car is in your garage, that does not mean that your stuff is safe. I made the original post after reading a blog post about a woman whose car was stole with the mother lode inside. Keys, purse, camera, ipod, etc. I found it crazy that anyone would leave their keys in their car when they are not driving. I then discovered that a number of people I know did the same thing. Wow! And this week, another friend of mine had her purse stolen out of her car that was parked in her garage. Ohmyhell! Stop leaving your crap in your car! Even if it is in the garage and the door is closed. You are asking for trouble! And I do not even want to imagine how much work it is to go through the whole process of replacing everything in my purse. I am not trying to lecture that I am better than you, just trying to get the word out that YOUR GARAGE IS NOT AS SAFE AS YOU THINK IT IS!!! Don't make it easy for the crooks. Don't make it worth their while. And good hell, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CRAP IN YOUR CAR!! And sad as it is, it is not safe. You are not saving yourself anything in the long run. Wait, I take that back, you will be saving yourself the hassle and time of trying to clear your good name and replace all of your stuff!

Personal Responsibility

Well that is a loaded title don't ya think? My cutie sister-in-law and I were chatting this morning when she dropped off her boys, she told me one of her friends is going through some learning process thingy in which you learn to hold responsible the people in your life who have done you wrong. Wholly crap really? That sounds like a scam to me. Take your life and assign blame to those who you feel have made it bad? Seriously? Sounds like crap to me, and I think that I have a bit of a chance to spout on this. I am a child of divorce. Have been for most of my life. My Mom got divorced when I was 4 or 5. I vaguely remember my father, before he ran off to start his new life off in la-la land. He had been having an affair (at least one) and from what I understand from family he married her. Not really the point. More to the point is the fact that the last time I saw him I was 12, I think. And that was for 20 minutes in the driveway of our house. Over the years I have realized, that the divorce, like many other things in my life, was neither my fault nor anything I could control. I cannot control the fact that my father was and is a complete and utter failure as a human being. I feel that is safe to say considering he rarely, if ever paid his child support and that in the past 20 years he has never contacted me. Not that I am inviting him to, he chose to not be a part of my life and I do not wish to add him to the mix, ever. There is such a thing as too little too late, and we have sailed passed that line a long time ago. But, and the big but here, is that I do not hold him responsible for my life. If anything I am glad my mom stood up for herself and her children and said that his behavior was not acceptable, nor would it ever be. I figure that I live my life in spite of his actions. I am a strong, happily married woman. I have 2 children I would not ever willingly leave. I have a husband who is amazing. And I do not think that has anything to do with my sperm donor of a father. If there is one thing I have learned it is perseverance and being accountable for ones own actions. I probably sound bitter. Probably am, at least a bit. And alot of that has to so with the fact that I am now a mom myself. I have 2 beautiful children, and cannot imagine for the life of me, what could matter more than them. Every choice I make reflects on them in some way. And I want my munchkins to be proud of me, like I am of my mom. I want them to realize that I made tough choices, undoubtedly some wrong choices, but all the same that I did it because I really thought it was the right thing to do. And I want to show them that I run my life. No one can be responsible for how I feel but me. That is not to say that I am made of steel and that I have no feelings. I am, in fact, quick to cry and easily hurt and maybe a little on the slow to trust side of things. But I want them to know that they have choices in life too. They do not have to value themselves based on someone else's ridiculous notion of what should or should not be. My own father did not think I was worth getting to know. That is fine with me, I bet I can find you 10 people who think otherwise. And that is what really matters. So as for this notion that you have to confront the people who have wronged you to make things right.....uhm get real. Why are you giving your power to that person so they can wrong you again? Why don't you just own your actions, own your feelings and realize that everyday is a new day and that you are the one who decides what that day will be. Maybe apply a little "golden rule" to your ever day. I firmly believe that my life is mine to live. I try to own my actions. I try to make sure that I hold my head high no matter what the situation. I am my own person and I take responsibility for myself. Can you say the same thing?

Reality Check

I love when something comes a long and puts things in perspective for me. I think the good Lord knows when I need a reality check. And despite all that is whirling around me, TADA...it was on the Olympics last night.

Things around here lately have left me, let's say flustered. I am unable to focus. I have yet to accomplish anything I have started in the past week or so. Mostly because I have had a problem with the wandering mind. I have taken my Aunt's surgery much harder this time, than I did 18 months ago. I am edgy and easily irritated! So to catch the story of Joannie Rochette on last nights late news and Olympics replay, I had to fell a little guilty and a lot in awe of this amazing individual. I am sure she has been aiming for the Olympics forever. You don't just end up at the Olympics. Especially in Figure Skating. I think it may be one of the most cut-throat events there. So I realize that she must have been training for years. And then, just as you reach your moment, your time, you loose your mom. My heart breaks for her. And I am in awe that she can keep it all together and keep going. I imagine you would find me in a puddle on the floor. I needed her story to put all my crap in perspective. I needed her to show me(through the television) that you do what you have to do. Keep going and do what you came to do. After all, everyone in my life is okay. My Aunt pulled through her surgery with flying colors. My brother-in-law, despite a run of what I am calling BAD luck will be fine. I have no reason to stop functioning. Despite a wild desire to do so. I have been dealt bigger blows than this, and have pulled through, so why I ask myself is everything so much harder for me now. I think there are a few reason, some of which I am not willing to discuss in a public forum, and other that I am like, this one. I think one of the reasons things are more difficult for me to process now, is because I have kids. I am not blaming them , quite the contrary. I have to really look at things completely differently and break it down into the most basic of terms and emotions to be able to make sure that my overly analytical 5 year old and sweet 2 year old can understand them. I find myself, as I am sure most parents do, trying to take the load off them, and carry as much of it as I can, so that they have a chance to be kids and just enjoy their little lives. This is especially true of N. He is a big softie. He takes things very personal. I have had to sit down with him and explain that I may not like a behavior, but I always love him. And that talk happened when he was like 4ish. He cannot imagine that someone would try to hurt another person, it is entirely foreign to him. I want him to grow up to be strong, but also not to loose his gentleness. His inate abilily to understand others feelings and empathize with them. I think that may be one of his greatest gifts. But it can put his parents in a rough spot. He really wants to know why people do bad/weird things.......and I cannot offer an explanation for that! I wish I could.
So thank you to a brave and stoic Canadian woman who helped me to realize that I am so fortunate, and that no matter what I think I cannot handle, there is always something worse, and that put everything in perspective for me.

Emotionally Cooked

I am done. I am tired. I have a head cold. And I cannot endure one more minute at a hospital. While were in California a few weeks back my mom's oldest sister got sick. She had heart valve replacement surgery back in July of 2008. She recovered amazingly well. Better than we ever anticipated that she would. It was awesome. But she had a mini-stroke, out of the blue, and since she is on medication that really should basically prevent that from happening, it was a major concern for me. We got her into her doctor and they discovered that she needed the valve replaced. Again! And it was crappy! She had that surgery today, and I have been to see her and make sure she is okay. But I am really tired. Emotionally I am fried. I have taken this surgery a lot harder than I took the last one. I think my cousin put it best when she said that last time (in 2008) she was sooooooo very sick that we were all just feeling amazed that we got her back. This time she was not sick per-say. She looked great and was feeling pretty darn good. She was not having any symptoms that she was getting ill. I think that is a major reason why it was so hard for me. Combine that with the fact that my brother-in-law had surgery last week and that I have the tail end of a head cold from hell, I am just done. I think I could crawl into bed right now, and not wake up for a day or 2. Uhm, except for the fact that I have 2 kids who would NEVER allow that to happen.
So I guess what they say is true, even the toughest cookies crack at some point. I am ready to slow things down. The past year has been one big huge emotional hurdle after another, and I just don't know how much more I can take, before I am a bumbling, boobing, soppy, soggy heap on the floor. Thank heavens for a fantastic family who keep me going (even when I have no desire to do so), a husband who 14 years later is finally figuring me out............I think he has a road map and copious notes, and has actually been able to anticipate what I need before I can find the words to say it. He is amazing. I am so lucky to have him. And now, maybe a good long nap. HA!

The Great School Debate (in my head).

My 5 year old is going to be heading to school in the fall. Well, to be fair he is heading to kindergarten, he has spent the last 2 years at an amazing preschool, which has been fantastic. The problem is that the preschool is so good, I think N is going to be beyond bored at kindergarten. He has been learning to read through a great phonics program. He can identify all the letters and their sounds. He can write his first and last name and also his nickname. Currently he is working on learning to write his letters up to 20, and is cruising through the process. Needless to say he knows his colors, shapes, months and day of the week. I am afraid he is going to be WAY under challenged in "real" school. He is reading well, and will be on to the 2 vowel books in the next week or 2. So here is my dilemma.......what do I do? I am planning on enrolling him in public school and sending him to the kindergarten enhancement program that the preschool he is currently at offers. I am so afraid of loosing his love of learning. N loves to be challenged and to learn new things. He loves to try something new and to be proud of himself when he masters a concept, which to be fair (okay and maybe brag a bit) he does quickly. I know of a charter school here locally that I can try to get him into, but am unsure of their processes. I am planning on private school for 1st grade, the only reason I am steering clear of it his year is that it is all day kindergarten and I do not care for that. As an added issue for kindergarten, is the whole year round schedule thing, which I am so not accustomed to. I am feeling really confused and torn. I want to do what is best for the bug-bite. But what is that? This is one of those moments when being a parent is not a lot of fun. I feel like I could screw up his whole future if I make the wrong choice. So ya know, no pressure or anything!

Binky

My precious 2 year old little girl still has her binky. I hate that she has it, but am not looking forward to the whole process of taking it away. And with her it is going to be a process. You see A, is a bit too much like her momma. Stubborn, independent and fierce. She can out cry, out scream and stare you down. At the ripe old age of 2 she has that super hairy evil eye down! And a guilt trip like you cannot imagine! I am hoping that by telling her that we are giving them to my girlfriend who is pregnant, that we can con her out of them, but maybe not. You see I got the wild idea to snip the tip off one today. I figured maybe if it was "broko" she would not want it. I WAS WRONG! So very wrong. She screamed........fully bloody murder screamed, for almost an hour before we were able to stear her to a new subject. Dear Lord, please bring me strength. I created this monster (the binky problem, not the child {okay yes, I made the child too, but that is not the monster to which I am refering in this instance}) and I am going to be needing some guidance to get myself through. Just wanted to let you know, in case you hear the screaming all the way up there! Thanks....JM